Confession, they say, is good for the soul. This post is therefore by way of being a dose of soul-medicine. It's far more personal than my usual offering, and I hope my readers will forgive that and bear with me as I begin with a fairly long explanatory narrative.
Every year about this time our church carries out a formal review of members' stewardship of their time and talents. It goes under a variety of names and formats, but essentially gives people the opportunity to confirm that they will continue doing what they are already doing within the church community, to say that they would prefer to step down, or to say that they would like to take on a new role.
Three years ago, I ticked a box indicating that I was willing to be part of an initiative to produce - or at least consider the introduction of - a parish magazine. I had no idea how demanding this would be of my time, nor who else - if anyone - would be interested. I found myself one of a committee of three, and over the next six months we drew up a proposal and a budget, sought and obtained the approval of the church council, compiled and produced our first copy. It thereafter appeared regularly, three times a year, until the end of last year.
Each of us had particular abilities and talents that we were able to contribute; we each live very busy lives with a number of other commitments and responsibilities and, occasionally, an issue had to be delayed, but never by more than a week. The lady who compiled the actual copy on her computer and pressed the button to send the final layout to the printer gave due warning that she would like to step down after the January edition and efforts were made to secure a replacement. When her personal circumstances suddenly became more demanding, and with a successor in the frame, she relinquished her duties more abruptly than had been foreseen ... before this latest edition had gone to press.
To cut a long story short, suffice it to say that the incomer soon found himself caught in a 'cross-fire' situation. Unfortunately, instead of telling all concerned of the difficulties he faced and inviting an alternative solution, he struggled on and only partially revealed the problems, with the result that I, and others, had been 'kept in the dark' and I consequently decided that my time as one of the editorial team should come to an end. When that 'commitment' form came round the other week, I ticked a different box!
The publication that has emerged was finally distributed last weekend and is completely different from those that preceded it. While, objectively, I have to say that there is nothing wrong with it per se, I felt quite bitter to see certain pieces, which I had prepared, worked on or discussed for one purpose, presented in a totally different context and appearance ... and, in one instance, significantly changed from how it was originally planned and envisaged.
Invited the other morning to comment about this new magazine, I sounded off in the vein of the preceding paragraphs. Instead of sympathy, my friend's response came in somewhat sharp tones, "We have to bear with one another in love, Brian" I recognised words from Paul's letter to the Ephesians (Eph.4:2), and the exchange set me thinking. It's only a few weeks since I read the book of Jonah and I now realise that I was heading into the same bind as he did. The climax of the story is at Jonah 3:10-4:1.
Jonah didn't want the people of Nineveh to be forgiven; he wanted them destroyed. He tried to avoid going there to preach God's message, fearful that they would turn from their ways and be forgiven ... which is exactly what happened. He had forgotten how God forgave him, and rescued him from the great fish, but he was angry when God forgave the Ninevites. Jonah just didn't understand the universality of God.
I was not only annoyed at seeing an end result that wasn't what I had aimed for but also angry that I had not been given the chance to help rescue the original publication: I felt shut out. But who am I to blame someone for doing his best and failing? And, after all, is my definition of failure the only one? Another verse from Paul's writings comes to mind. It's one that has stuck in my memory after seeing it in a TV western many years ago. Romans 12:19 reminds us just whose is the responsibility of blame and punishment: "'Vengeance is mine; I will repay,' says the Lord".
It's an object lesson for me - and others, too, perhaps - in anger management!
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